how do relationships work?

Most people enter into relationships with an eye toward what they can get out of them, rather than what they can put into them.

The purpose of a relationship is to decide what part of yourself you'd like to see "show up," not what part of another you can capture and hold.

-- Neale Donald Walsch --

I had the most interesting conversation the other day about a couple I know. They have been married twenty-one years. They have three children and seem as happy and in love today as they did over thirty years ago, when they first got together. My friend said they really seemed to belong together and asked if I knew how they did it. I couldn't really answer her question, but it got me to thinking about this book I read a while back about relationships. It is by Neale Donald Walsh. He says...

“When our reason for relationships is aligned with our soul's reason for being, not only are our relationships understood to be sacred, they are rendered joyful as well."

According to him, a great relationship is one of truth-telling. He says there are five levels 1) you tell the truth about yourself; 2) you tell the truth to yourself about another; 3) you tell the truth about another to yourself; and 4) when you tell the truth about another to that other; 5) you tell the truth to everyone about everything. He also says relationships fail because people enter into them for the wrong reasons; that the only way a relationship can work is for both parties "to agree, consciously, that the purpose of their relationship is to create an opportunity for growth, for full self-expression, for lifting each others lives to their highest potential, for healing every false thought or small idea each has ever had about themselves, and for ultimate reunion with GOD through the communion of their two souls"

Thoughtful Thursday - are we growing together?

I have so much in my head and heart to share I am just not sure where to begin. So bear with me if I seem to ramble. That is not my intent. First, a friend implied that when you are friends with a writer/blogger, you take the chance of being part of their writings. I know that to be true and this is proof.

I am reading this book and am at the part where the author seems to be saying that we, as individual and collective egos, seem to need and thrive on competition and conflict. I am not sure I agree since I long for peace in my life. But I am conflicted myself (LOL). You see, I also agree. It seems the closer I get to living the life I long for, the more strife seems to come with the package. It is almost as if the “devil” is aware and doing all he can to prevent me from getting to my small haven of peace and joy and happiness. However, I do not worry any longer - I have vowed to never give up...

My point, I find  there are people in life who are also where I am, either consciously or unconsciously, and they are going through the same things. Where am I? I am here… in the now… being me. I am taking what few steps I can to change my perception of the ego, or at least I am doing my part to be authentically me, the me beneath my ego, my own little bit of awareness.

What am I talking about? Today I had a conversation with someone (let’s call this person B) who, for years, I hated talking to because our conversations always left me angry. B always said something to irk, annoy or irritate me. But lately I have found our conversations to be a blessing. Part of me would like to say B has really changed and that is why our conversations are better. But I know that is only half the story. I have also changed. Together we have changed, and that change has allowed us the ability to talk and share and love together. I am so grateful and blessed.

Where am I going with all this? The other day, B said something I thought was monumental… something profound in its simplicity (it occurs to me that we sometimes miss things in life because we expect significant things to be complicated or monumental when instead, things are sometimes so simple we miss it). To simplify a long conversation, B said that she and her spouse were reading a transformation book together and sharing its lessons together. I thought, WOW! That is what I want. Someone I can share a book with that is supposed to be transforming. That way we transform and grow together. I think relationships often fail because the two do not grow together, the two make no attempts to share all aspects of their lives, where possible, together. I will never forget what B said to me.

When I finally find the person I want to share my life with, I will do the best I can to ensure that it is someone I can share growing and transforming with so that neither of us leaves the other behind. In the meantime, I will work on the relationships I have - family and friends. I will open up, be connected, be vulnerable and share. I will show up  in the relationship to ensure we do not grow apart; to ensure that we grow and transform together

I think this is a moment of clarity of emotion. I think this is profound for me because it is the clarity of emotion I crave. Clearly God/the Universe/the Ultimate Energy/ the Highest Love is giving me the opportunity to receive the thing I ask for and am working towards. I am just glad that I was actually being mindful, actually in the moment… and that I had the discernment to hear and receive.

This week, seek discernment in your life. This week check your relationships. Are you letting people you care about slip away because you are allowing yourself to grow apart from them? If so… and ifthat is not what you want, find ways to include them in your growth. Find ways to get them on the same page as you so that the two of you will be able to share the journey of self-growth (true, inner self-growth) together. Find ways to be open and connected.  Be willing to be vulnerable. Be committed...and while you are doing so, be MINDFUL. ENJOY THE MOMENT!!! And until next time…Take care of you.

The supreme end of education is expert discernment in all things--the power to tell the good from the bad, the genuine from the counterfeit, and to prefer the good and the genuine to the bad and the counterfeit.”

-- Author unknown --

-- written by asd --

what would you do if you and a friend were shipwrecked?

A voyaging ship was wrecked during a storm at sea and only two of the men on it were able to swim to a small, desert like island

The two survivors who have been a good friends, not knowing what else to do, agreed that they had no other recourse but to pray to God. However, to find out whose prayer was more powerful, they agreed to divide the territory between them and stay on opposite sides of the island.

The first thing they prayed for was food. The next morning, the first man saw a fruit-bearing tree on his side of the land, and he was able to eat its fruit. The other man’s parcel of land remained barren.

After a week, the first man was lonely and he decided to pray for a wife. The next day, another ship was wrecked, and the only survivor was a woman who swam to his side of the land. On the other side of the island, there was nothing.

Soon the first man prayed for a house, clothes, more food. The next day, like magic, all of these were given to him. However, the second man still had nothing.

Finally, the first man prayed for a ship, so that he and his wife could leave the island. In the morning, he found a ship docked at his side of the island. The first man boarded the ship with his wife and decided to leave the second man on the island.

He considered the other man unworthy to receive God’s blessings, since none of his prayers had been answered.

As the ship was about to leave, the first man heard a voice from heaven booming, “Why are you leaving your companion on the island”

“My blessings are mine alone, since I was the one who prayed for them,” the first man answered. “His prayers were all unanswered and so he does not deserve anything.”

“You are mistaken!” the voice rebuked him. “He had only one prayer, which I answered. If not for that, you would not have received any of my blessings.”

“Tell me,” the first man asked the voice, “What did he pray for that I should owe him anything?”

“He prayed that all your prayers be answered “

What is the point of this friendship story? We are not alone in this world....even when we meditate, dream or pray. we should not just dream for, pray for and meditate for ourselves alone. We should include our loved ones...family members and FRIENDS. There is someone out there meditating, praying or dreaming for the best for us and that is usually a FRIEND. They are our blessings... as we are theirs. We should love them, treasure them, wish the best for them, believe in the best for them and never leave them behind.

--written by asd --

sista girls cafe- friends for life

sistagirlscafe.blogspot.com

photographer unknown

Thoughtful Thursday - Is love disappearing in this world?

Friendship is the last vestige of love

Where souls meet and greet in comfort

Where acceptance reigns supreme

Where barriers crumble down

And acceptance flows

Like fall’s high tide

On a cool

Windy

Day

I read a book a couple of years ago on love. The author included a list of questions to ask yourself on love and your relationship to love. The last question was: do you think love is growing or disappearing in the world. I asked a lot of people this question because I believed most saw the world as I did - full of loving people, daily growing in love. Imagine my surprise when most said there is less love in this world and that what there is of it is slipping steadily away.

I wonder how that can be possible when we as a people are made from love, when the world is filled daily with examples of love, when that which gives us life and lets us live and move and be is the highest love and we are all from that source of love. Nevertheless, that ... it seems ... is where many people reside; they anticipate there is no love and then wait to be proven right.

But those of us with friendships can change that.  Friendship is the last vestige of love. When we enter into a friendship, we create a source of love. When we do things together, spend time together; that source of love expands. And as our friendships grow, the source of love grows.

Those of us with true, lasting, 'Anam Cara', 'querencia' friendships give the world an energy boost of high love. That energy boost serves as a way to fill the world with love faster and wider. Why? It takes love to find love. Friendship is a willingness to open one's heart and soul to another. By opening our hearts and souls to our friends we prepare ourselves to open our hearts and souls to the world.

Imagine a world filled with people who have open hearts and souls. That is a world filled with love. It can happen. Love can increase in this world by increasing in us. So, let's all be grateful for our friends, for friendships. They are a source of this world's love, and an avenue to a world filled with loving people.

And like the water's of the ocean, may our friendships always ebb and flow in union with the highest source of love; bringing love to the shores of the hearts of all.

Let's all go make friends.

-- written by asd --

sista girls cafe - friends for life

sistagirlscafe.blogspot.com

photograph from Isobel Diamond; She Knows

wonderful women wednesday - can you be succulent and wild?

“A succulent wild woman is one of any age who feels free to fully express herself in every dimension of her life.”  by S.A.R.K.

Quite a while ago, I read this book about living life to the fullest with your girlfriends at your side. It was Succulent Wild Woman by S.A.R.K.. I recommend it to those women who want to grab life by the fattest end and jump in with their eyes closed. I encourage you to try some of her suggestions. Finally I absolutely encourage you bring a friend along for the ride.

I know this woman ... we have been friends for years. When we were younger, people used to call us Lucy and Ethel because we were always up to something. It is years later and we now live in separate states but we are still tight. We call each other and reminisce about the fun and crazy things we did both together and separately. We have families and responsibilities that prevent us from engaging in the mischief we used to get ourselves involved in, but we are just waiting for the chance; and then, once again, the world will be our oyster

We each have friends like this, friends we love and want to include in life escapades. They may think we are crazy, but they are ready to be crazy with us. With them we can laugh, travel, sing out loud, dance in the streets, say hello to strangers, laugh, help the needy, share love with the unloved, sculpt, write, laugh, paint, be grateful, express kindness, laugh, party, swim, bar-b-que, drink, laugh, play, drink some more, make friends, laugh some more, hug and smile and hug and smile some more... basically we can enjoy the wild, wacky, wonderful world we live in while surrounded by the girlfriends who make our good times even better.

And listen all of you reading this... You are all invited along!!! Bring your friends and your suggestions. We are going to live life to its fullest with no regrets. We are going to smile, laugh, love and be outrageous! We are going to enjoy the width, length, heights and depth of life and we are going to do it together!

SO >>> PACK FOR GOOD TIMES  and then PURCHASE YOUR TICKET  so that you can COME ALONG FOR THE RIDE!!!

--written by asd --
sista girls cafe - friends for life
sistagirlscafe.blogspot.com
photograph from ann quasman; womantalklive

for the lonely and troubled... we are here for you

being there

I know there are those of you out there in the world who are lonely or troubled. May we here be there for you. May we be your rock and your shoulder ... if not in person at least in spirit.

But even I know that is not enough. You must find a way to be there for yourself. For those of you who are lonely, find a church or an organization that interests you and join. Be kind and friendly. Extend the hand of friendship to a fellow member. I am certain it will be received warmly and honestly. Or volunteer to help out somewhere, giving is always rewarded ... as is kindness. Moreover, you will have a good time. Nothing is more rewarding than helping another. It also helps to take your mind off your own problems.

For those of you who are troubled, remember ... we all go through things and even the happiest of people have down days. But, today is a perfect day to begin to heal yourself. Take a walk in the sunshine,let the wind caress your cheeks and play with your hair. Stretch your muscles and fill your lungs with the energy of the world around you. Walking is good for the body and spending time out in the sun is good for you spirit. It can be a real spirit lifter.

As you walk, enjoy the scenery and say a quick thank you for all the sights you wish to experience ... couples in love, couples with children, those well dressed, those in great shape ... whatever it is. By appreciating others with what you have, you let the universe know what is in your heart so that it can bring your heart's desire to you. What we are grateful for we get more of.

Enjoy today having faith in the possibility of tomorrow... and know that we love you and have your back. We were here yesterday, are here today and we will be here tomorrow.  AND ... In The Meantime ...

May you be in a happy and loving relationship

That your heart might remain open

May your relationship fill you with the confidence to be you

That the light of your true nature might shine forth because of their acceptance of you

May acceptance remove all traces of shame from you, replacing that shame with the joy of self acceptance

That their acceptance might help you to allow others to reveal their true nature to you without shame

May your relationships be healing

That you might become a source of healing for others

May your relationships fill you with trust

That trust might allow you to express yourself openly and honestly to yourself and others

May you be filled with a light and loving heart

That your love might fill the air with beauty and kindness

May you be happy

That your happiness might radiate from you to fill the world with sunshine

-- written by asd --
art and picture by unknown

desires and destiny - day one

Twenty-one Days of Desires and Destiny with Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey

Day One - Who am I? I am my deepest desires… I am

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”

—Mark Twain

Our deepest, most heartfelt desires are like stars in a constellation . . . brilliant, twinkling lights that create pathways to our true destinies. It is our soul’s mission to connect with, cherish, and realize our desires in order to live our lives to the fullest and make our greatest contributions to the world.  In fulfilling our heart-held dreams we flourish, serving ourselves and others from a place of bliss, generosity, and love.

Each of us has been put here for a purpose.  We each have a unique destiny and that destiny unfolds with light and clarity when we are still enough to hear the whispers of our truest desires.  When you let that deep, quiet, beautiful energy, which is desire, rise up from within, it will begin to shape your intentions, your thoughts and especially your actions and ultimately it will lighten the path to your most abundant, wondrous destiny.  Those desires will lead us to our divine passion and purpose.  They are our dreams, our divine wishes.  They are signs and when we pay attention to, and explore our desires; they help us connect to our destiny.

Our destiny is shaped by the deepest level of our intention and desire.  Once we plant the seed of an intention in the fertile ground of pure potentiality, our soul’s journey unfolds automatically, as naturally as a bulb becomes a tulip or an embryo becomes a child. When you let that deep, quiet, beautiful energy rise up from within, it will begin to shape your intentions, your thoughts and especially your actions and ultimately it will lighten the path to your most abundant, wondrous destiny.

The way to find out your deepest desires and your destiny - ask yourself every day.  Who am I?  Quietly listen for the answer.  Who Am I?  Listen deeply.  Receive each and every whisper from your soul.  Receive and ask again.  Who Am I? Once we begin to understand who we are, we open the door to infinite and abundant possibility.

Do you solivagant?

So many of us believe we solivagant - wander alone - through the world. we are believers and dreamers. we  are seekers of light and beauty and serenity. we hope eternally and give love easily. we get our hearts broken and yet continue to love. we fall down and pick ourselves up. we get broken open and find ways to heal ourselves all while trying to help and heal others. we wear rose-colored glasses and refuse to take them off... even when the world tries to beat the light out of us.  and when the world does manage to plunges us into darkness, we find a way to turn on our light.

those of us who solivagant need friends who see into our hearts and understand how we try to survive on our own, how we keep our rose-colored glasses close to our hearts and believe things will all work out. we need people who realized we are strong because of our softness and vulnerability and not in spite of. we need people who know we willingly take on the world for those we love and those in need. we need people who will help us to pick up the pieces when our hearts ...again... break open as life reminds us that it can be a cruel task master.

friends help us to laugh at ourselves, see the lighter side of life. friends remind us to look after ourselves and to do for ourselves for a change. friends help us to live in the real world while  allowing us to dream and share our dreams. because we don't just dream for ourselves we have dreams to spare. friends help us to wake from our dreams and return from our wanderings even if we even if only for a little while

so here's to the dreamers and wanderers; know....  you keep the world full of hope and ever aware. here's to their friends ...you remind them they don't dream alone and don't wander without you keeping tabs on where they are. and here's to all of you on your journeys. may you get there together, each in your own way.

They who solivagant

Are free like the wind

Unsoiled by dirt like the lotus

A light in darkness like the moon

But they are only so until caught

Only alone until sought

Quiet until thought

Rushes in where there was naught

But they just wandering alone

-- written by asd --
photographer unknown

why i think this world should end... amazing!

Thank you Prince EA ... 

you're right... it all begins within you!!!

when friends become real

I Can See Your Scars

I met a friend the other day for lunch. We had been friends for years but because of our lives, didn’t get to see each other often.  We had planned this a while ago though and I was excited to see her.  She was different from most of my friends and that was one reason why my seeing her was a special treat. When she spent time with you, she gave you her undivided attention.  When you were with her, the rest of the world seemed to fade away.  When she looked at you, it felt as if she saw your soul, when she listened it was with her whole self, when she spoke she took her time and though she spoke hesitantly and softly, when she spoke she said much with few words. She was thoughtful, kind, insightful and full of love.

My only complaint was she wanted you to share with her but she was not so quick to share herself. When asked questions about herself or her life, she would ponder long before answering and she didn't say much.  I often got the feeling she felt that she could not share because there was so much more to her than I realized and that I could not handle her answers.

On the day we met for lunch, we had a breakthrough in our friendship. We had finished eating, I had, as usual, told her all about me and my life. But for a change, it was not a long, drawn out conversation. I was in a good place in my life and was grateful for my blessings. I was also learning to listen in the spaces in between conversations and see in the midst of shadows.  I had asked her about her and her life and though she shared, I, for a change, knew there was more. But I also knew she would tell me when she was ready. I sensed that she was feeling out whether she could talk to me. I did not push.

We finished our meal and were lingering over coffee when it happened. It was peaceful as we sipped our drinks and I enjoyed the silence that enveloped us. I looked up at her to comment on the beauty of the afternoon spent with her when I noticed it. Although her head was down, I could see inside her. She appeared as a porcelain doll with scars on her hands and face and arms. I was taken aback at first. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I opened my eyes and looked again. The image had begun to blur but I could still see the vestiges of the scars on her body.

I stared at her in amazement. Maybe that is why she could not talk, could not share, she had been emotionally scarred and was seeking someone who did not need her to help them but who could listen to and help her. I looked at her intently and as I watched, her soul blossomed for me. I looked intently and again I saw her scars.

When she finally looked up at me I saw traces of the scars on her face. I could not help myself. Slowly I asked, “are those scars I see on your soul?”

“Yes they are,” she sighed.

“From where did you get them?” I queried, saddened that she had been unable to share this with me before.

“From a battle I waged.” She answered this in a louder voice, a voice tinged with satisfaction and a tiny hint of pleasure.

Fascinated I asked, “With whom did you battle?” Imagine my surprise and understanding when she slowly said…

“…with myself.”

-- written by asd… with thanks to the FB page that originally  posted a bit  like this. it resonated with me and i turned it into my own.

Sista Girls Cafe - Friends for Life

sistagirlscafe.blogspot.com

photographer unknown

Help somebody! Pass It On!

If I can help somebody" 

If I can help somebody,as I pass along. 
If I can cheer somebody, with a word or song, 
If I can show somebody, He is travelling wrong 
Then my living shall not be in vain 

Chorus: 

Then my living shall not be in vain-- 
Then my living shall not be in vain 
If I can help somebody, as I pass along 
Then my living shall not be in vain. 

If I can do my duty, as all men ought 
If I can bring that duty to a world thats lost 
If I can spread a love message that the Master taught 
Then my living shall not be in vain 

shine... ShiNe... SHINE

shine!!!!

one of my favorite things to do is to fill up my albums of pictures of things that touch me, that move me, that open my heart or soul, that are beautiful and beauty. one of my favorite types of pictures are of light...candles, fireworks, moonlight, created or real. i like to let light in. i like to see it shine softly, brightly, filling a room, a person or a life. while it can be fun to be able to walk through darkness, it is certainly easier with a little light to guide your way.

today i received a little light from an old friend. her words brought tears to my face and created little cracks in my everyday armor so that i could feel a little more light escaping from me out into the world. i thank her for that.

right after that, i read this posting that seemed eerily appropriate. it filled me up and overflowed. clearly i am meant to share this with you ... my friends, my journey companions.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 

-- Marianne Williamson --

i have read many things that she has written and believe she has a deep capacity to understand, share and encourage love. please read her if you get the chance. in the meantime, let us be moved by this passage and give ourselves and others permission to be our splendid selves. let us right now begin to... shine...shine...SHINE!!!

-- written by asd --
author of picture and photograph unknown

Simple Secrets to a Happy Life - Movie

Click on the link to play and enjoy. . . . . . .

Finding Joy Inspirational Movie - Movie

a Sunday Guided Meditation

Imagine by Herbie Hancock; featuring Alicia Keys, India Arie, and Seal

“Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one."

-- John Lennon --

Meditation Music for Chakra Balancing and Healing Music Sound Therapy by Meditation Relax Club

ways of being that lead to happines

may you be happy

It is a big, beautiful morning out there this day. I have awakened early for a change and can actually appreciate the early morning brisk air ... full of promise and possibility.

I know there are those of you out there in the world who are lonely or troubled. May we here be there for you. May we be your rock and your shoulder ... if not in person, at least in spirit.

But even I know that is not enough. You must find a way to be there for yourself. For those of you who are lonely, find a church or an organization that interests you and join. Be kind and friendly. Extend the hand of friendship to a fellow member. I am certain it will be received warmly and honestly. Or volunteer to help out somewhere, giving is always rewarded ... as is kindness. Moreover, you will have a good time. Nothing is more rewarding than helping another. It also helps to take your mind off your own problems.

For those of you who are troubled, remember ... we all go through things and even the happiest of people have down days. But, today is a perfect day to begin to heal yourself. Take a walk in the sunshine,let the wind caress your cheeks and play with your hair. Stretch your muscles and fill your lungs with the energy of the world around you. Walking is good for the body and spending time out in the sun is good for your spirit. It can be a real spirit lifter.

As you walk, enjoy the scenery and say a quick thank you for all the sights you wish to experience ... couples in love, couples with children, those well dressed, those in great shape ... whatever it is. By appreciating others with what you have, you let the universe know what is in your heart so that it can bring your heart's desire to you. What we are grateful for we get more of.

Enjoy today, having faith in the possibility of tomorrow. And know that we here love you and have your back. We were here yesterday, are here today and we will be here tomorrow.  AND ... In The Meantime ...

May you be in a happy and loving friendship

That your heart might remain open

May your friendship fill you with the confidence to be you

That the light of your true nature might shine forth because of their acceptance of you

May acceptance remove all traces of shame from you, replacing that shame with the joy of self acceptance

That their acceptance might help you to allow others to reveal their true nature to you without shame

May your friendship be healing

That you might become a source of healing for others

May your friendship fill you with trust

That trust might allow you to express yourself openly and honestly to yourself and others

May you be filled with a light and loving heart

That your love might fill the air with beauty and kindness

May you be happy

That your happiness might radiate from you to fill the world with sunshine

*¨Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ¨*• written by asd .•*¨Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ¨*•