That is really what I want to talk about. The immobilization that a bad end to loving can bring about. I have read many books and heard many say that we can control our emotions and that the emotions that others cause us to feel are their story and that, as such, we should be able to let go and move on with our own story. Deep inside, I know it is true - the people who break our hearts are not thinking about us or how we are feeling. Half the time, they don’t even realize that we are still lamenting that thing they said or did. So, if they can move on, we should move on. But to know it and then to believe it and act as if it true is each very different and very hard to do.
More importantly, you would think we would all want to let go of the negative effects of painful endings to love. You would think we would all want to just put them out of our minds - leaving space for the next good relationship. But we don’t. Letting go and moving on is like cleaning out the clothes in one’s closet. First, we have to make time to clean out the closet and there are always so many other things we would rather do. Then, we have to figure out what we are going to do with the things we decide to get rid of, which can be a hassle. Now, if we get past this stage and actually start to go through our closet, that is when the hard part begins. We keep things we no longer wear because we hate parting with things we have invested part of ourselves in. We tell ourselves that either we are actually going to wear that one day because the style is going to come back or we are going to lose those extra pounds. In reality, it is just easier to keep what we have than deal with throwing things out. We forget getting rid of old means making space for new.
Similarly, we hold on to past relationships. They take up residence in our hearts and minds. Sometimes we believe they will come back. But, more often, we are just scared to venture back out into the world of loving and the possibilities that loving again brings. That fear of love - as friends, as lovers, in families, in general; and the possibilities of it failing rears its ugly head and prevents us from experiencing the wonder, beauty and happiness of love. We become cautious in spite of ourselves, because of ourselves.
I know, I know …. tell that to someone who is going through a break-up or a divorce; tell that to someone who has been betrayed by a friend or family member; tell that to someone who has been abandoned by a friend or family member. The pain and devastation left behind is like the work of a wrecking ball - all chaos and confusion and destruction with no hope of recovery. Yet, most of us do, eventually, learn to go on. We do eventually go on again. Granted we often take with us the baggage that the ended relationship has left us with, but we move on.
What I want is for us (myself included) to learn to let go of the baggage. At least some of it. This is one of my favorite things work at - to let go and move on, because it is so hard. This is one of my practices for letting go and moving on. It has worked for me and maybe it will work for you.
Take some time and think about your relationship. Remember the good memories and take them and place them in your heart album. Then, take all the lessons you have learned and store them away in your brain to be pulled out as needed. Take what is left,the not so good memories; grind them into grains of sand and blow them all away. It is not an easy task but with practice, it can work. What it does is allow you to let go of the negatives and keep only the positive, thereby leaving you room to receive love
“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”
-- Mother Theresa of Calcutta (August 26, 1910 to September 5, 1997 --
-- written by asd --
-- photo from photo.elsoar.com --
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