My people and I have been friends a long time and over the years we have had our share of disagreements. But we have weathered the storms that we have encountered and count ourselves blessed that we have survived the turbulent times we have had to face. The best is that when trouble occurs, we apologize and move on or let go ... whichever works in the situation. Then the sun reappears and its healing rays help us to move on in a healthy manner.
I am thankful that my friendships have been with women and men who don't hold grudges or retaliate. We forgive each other when we feel wronged by each other whether the wrong was intentional or unintentional. I guess it is because we realize there can be no friendship without forgiveness.
It is very hard to forgive ... not impossible, just very hard. It is sometimes easier to forgive strangers because they do not matter to us and cannot hurt us. But forgiveness is necessary if you want your friendship to last and even more important, forgiveness is necessary if you want to maintain your own mental health.
So how do we forgive? How do I forgive? First, I acknowledge my feelings. I accept my feelings and allow myself an opportunity to feel them. Then, I release any poison in me that stems from the incident that causes my anger. I work first on letting go of any grudges, I release any harboring resentments, I stop nursing old wounds. These are damaging, and following up on such negativity can be detrimental in far too many ways.
Then, I work on moving on. I forgive myself for any part I played in the incident and then I let that go. I also try to take my focus away from the incident. I have learned that most people who do things to cause you anger have no idea of your feelings and so your feelings are not hurting them; your feelings are only hurting you. That is so ridiculous, you're miserable but they're happy because they have no idea how you feel. So I work on moving away from focusing my time and energy on the person and the incident. It helps to know that they are not spending all their time worrying about me.
I move on by choosing serenity and happiness over righteous anger. I turn off the broken record in my head that replays replay past hurts in my mind over and over again and choose to think peaceful or happy thoughts. I realize that anger and resentment don’t serve me well and instead give myself a clean slate.
Finally, I decide how important the person who angered me is to me. If I want to maintain our friendship, I speak to them honestly and openly about the situation and my feelings regarding it. Then, I give them a chance to talk. After we work it out, I leave it there and move on. I don't bring it up or replay it in my mind. I let it go. I forgive, true forgiveness.
This is not an easy process. As I said, forgiveness is not easy. But true friendships are worth it. So today ... let go of past hurts, forgive a friend, work through resentments and then crumble them up like dust and blow all the negativity away. When you are done, call the friend you are steamed at, work it out, forgive and let the healing rays of the sun bring a restorative balm to your soul and your friendship.
You are made from love, for love, to love. Friendship is love. Don't waste it. Enjoy!!!!!!
-- written by asd --
Sista Girls Cafe - Friends for Life
http://sistagirlscafe.blogspot.com/
photograph from brocknrollblogspot
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